


The Tower of the Swallow

by iisintrovert (Ghostlyfallows)



Series: Geraskier OnlyFans AU [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: ADHD, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Porn, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Lube, M/M, geralt has an onlyfans and jaskier is his daughters middle school teacher, jaskier is concerned for Geralts dry ass hair, light shoplifting, onlyfans au, strangers to erotic social media managers, the online marketplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostlyfallows/pseuds/iisintrovert
Summary: The man had a very handsome face. His face wasn’t exactly a problem - Jaskier was used to keeping his cool in front of many beautiful and handsome people. The problem was this wasn’t the first time he’d seen this face. More specifically, the problem was: the last time Jaskier had seen this face, it was when he’d confirmed the $11.99 purchase for a month’s subscription to his OnlyFans.Geralt opened his mouth - that mouthjesus holy fucking christ on a stick- and Jaskier stuck his hand out for a hand shake.“Julian Pankratz,” he introduced himself, praying to whatever god was listening that his face hadn’t turned an embarrassing shade of red.Judging from the look on Yennefer’s face, he wasn’t so lucky.Geralt nodded, not betraying even a hint of a smile. He shook his hand back and answered in a gruff voice, “Geralt.”But of course, Jaskier already knew that.Otherwise known as: The OnlyFans AU that no one asked for but everyone deserves
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Geraskier OnlyFans AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783804
Comments: 54
Kudos: 448





	The Tower of the Swallow

The parent teacher conference had been going well until Jaskier’s worst nightmare walked into the room.

When the man - _Geralt_ \- entered the room, Jaskier’s mouth went dry.

He registered Yennefer saying something, but his brain was too busy firing neurons at lightning speed to comprehend her question. He stared into Geralt's face, dread welling up in his stomach as his face turned bright red.

The man had a very handsome face. His face wasn’t exactly a problem - Jaskier was used to keeping his cool in front of many beautiful and handsome people. The problem was this wasn’t the first time he’d seen this face. More specifically, the problem was: the last time Jaskier had seen this face, it was when he’d confirmed the $11.99 purchase for a month’s subscription to his OnlyFans. 

Geralt opened his mouth - that mouth _Jesus holy fucking christ on a stick_ \- and Jaskier stuck his hand out for a hand shake. 

“Julian Pankratz,” he introduced himself, praying to whatever god was listening that his face hadn’t turned an embarrassing shade of red.

Judging from the look on Yennefer’s face, he wasn’t so lucky.

Geralt nodded, not betraying even a hint of a smile. He shook his hand back and answered in a gruff voice, “Geralt.”

But of course, Jaskier already knew that.

He felt the squeeze of Geralt’s hand in his stomach. He had a very firm handshake. Very firm. So firm Jaskier felt his knees go weak, so he promptly sat back down in his wheely chair and re-stacked the papers in front of him, just to have something to do with his hands. 

“Well then! Now that you’ve arrived, we can really get started.”

It wasn’t the best conference he’d led, given the circumstances. He kept glancing between the two people, trying to measure their body language. They didn’t arrive together, and Yennefer had referred to Geralt as “her father” (referring to their child, Cirilla) and not “my partner” before Geralt had arrived. He’d been looking for rings, but Yennefer’s fingers were full of multicolored jewels and metals. It was impossible to distinguish which ones might be a wedding band. 

They definitely complimented one another, and he could see why they might be together. They both had the same intense, blank expression as he explained how Ciri behaved in his class, as if they were watching prey, waiting for it to mis-step. Essentially, they were both scary. 

Very scary, and very _hot._

Behind the gruff voice and folded arms, Geralt’s jaw could slice a watermelon in half. He was sporting an afternoon stubble in the same shade of gray as his hair, which was pinned neatly back in a half-up half-down. His glare mirrored Yennefer's intensity and scary-hotness. Yennefer looked like exactly the kind of woman he’d talk to if he was looking to get pegged. Which, now that he thought about it...

Nevermind. 

Back to Geralt. There was a reason he paid $11.99. Two reasons, which were currently stretching the fabric of his work shirt to another dimension, and which probably required a background check before purchase in thirteen US states. 

Geralt was tall, and built, and had very memorable hair, which (dreadfully) made him exactly Jaskier’s type. Oh good lord above, if Jaskier could teach him how to co-wash and use a good curl creme -

Throughout the meeting Jaskier painfully reminded himself of two things: A.) His horniness needed to _stay at home_ and B.) he really needed to give that adult ADHD clinic a call back.

He spoke as carefully and quickly as possible, all the time unable to prevent his brain from rewinding and pressing play on that video from last night. He’d watched it three - maybe four times? He only saw it because he’d decided to check the website before sleeping. Really, Geralt had a god awful social media presence. He could probably double or triple his subscriptions if he just posted on Twitter once in a while. Maybe sneak peaks, or targeted advertisement - is he on the market for a social media manager? Jaskier had experience -

 _Fuck,_ Yennefer was asking something and he had no clue what she was saying. 

“Excuse me?” Jaskier asked in his best _oh god I’m so sorry please don’t beat me up or report me_ voice. 

Yennefer’s frown deepened, if that was even possible. “Which room is Cirilla in?” 

“Down the hall and to the left.” 

Yennefer looked him up and down and glanced at Geralt. In a second they exchanged a silent conversation with the efficiency of two people who had been married for a long time. Then, they each took a half-step backwards that screamed ‘amicable divorce.’

A weight lifted off of Jaskier’s shoulders. Never before had someone else’s divorce made his heart _sing_ with joy. 

“So you have her this weekend.” Yennefer asked the question like a statement. 

“And Friday afternoon.”

“And next Wednesday.”

“I wouldn’t forget.”

“You were almost late today.”

Geralt’s eyes narrowed. “Almost. But I wasn’t.”

Another long glance. Jaskier had the feeling this was a competition he wasn’t invited to.

“Hm.” Yennefer looked back, annoyed, seemingly remembering that Jaskier was there to witness their conversation. “Anyways. Ciri is waiting.” She turned to Jaskier and gave him a curt smile. “Thank you for your patience.”

He forced a wide smile and nodded. “My pleasure.”

When the two left the room he bent over at the waist and ran both hands through his hair. He let out a long puff of breath and squeezed his eyes shut. 

This

was

the

worst. 

One of his favorite students’ dad was on OnlyFans. Whatever, he couldn’t shame anyone, he’d had a number of odd jobs before he began teaching. Even one night as an amateur Gogo-dancer which had ended when he’d thrown his shoe at an older man for yelling a very naughty word at him. The problem wasn’t that he made porn, but that the porn was _good._ And Jaskier enjoyed it. And he was a _parent of his student who required extra help in Algebra_. 

How was he supposed to keep up an email chain with this man?

_Dear Parent of Ciri_

_I’ve attached a number of resources for learning at home that I think she will enjoy. Her test scores have dipped 5% from her goal, and she’ll need to put in some extracurricular work to make it to the percentile she needs to remain in the book club._

_Cordially, Mr. Pankratz._

_P.S. fantastic cock!_

\--

The worst part was, he didn’t regret a thing. 

Jaskier sat back at his desk and rested his forehead against the wood. He took in another deep breath and contemplated running away. 

Was his twitter profile picture attached to his OnlyFans subscription? What about the name on his debit card?

The thought made him absolutely sick. 

Say, his name was attached. And Geralt had known the entire time. What did that mean? Surely he wouldn’t be judgmental of an average man like Jaskier exchanging currency for the privilege of receiving his goods and services. And what wonderful goods and services they were. 

Although, they could use better lighting. And marketing. A whole new set, really. Maybe plot? Props? Fantasy was really ‘in’ these days. Jaskier bet he could turn Geralt’s side-job into a career within a few live streams. What’s the professional rate for a collab looking like these days?

_Why didn’t I go into marketing again?_

Jaskier rolled his eyes at himself and stood up from his desk. Geralt and Yennefer’s was the last conference of the afternoon, and he needed to leave if he was to make it to the store before getting home in time to catch the latest episode of The Bachelorette. He reserved himself exactly forty-five seconds to push the image of Geralt, bent backwards over the arm of his couch, his lips parted, hand lazily - 

\--

Driving while distracted wasn’t a great look, but “distracted” was a pretty permanent state of mind for Jaskier, so he didn’t count his losses. 

The store was as crowded as it usually was on a weekday night. He just needed to get in and out - pasta sauce, noodles, broccoli, oreos, and the unmentionables.

He grabbed a basket as he jogged through the open sliding doors, making his way through the aisles in record time. He’d filled his basket with food and made his way over to the opposite corner of the store, next to the pharmacy kiosk. 

Grabbing lube while employed as a teacher was always a dangerous game. Being a romantic at heart, Jaskier couldn’t justify going without in case of the off chance he was recognized in the check-out line. This did make for some awkward cart maneuvering when he did see a parent or co-worker. It also resulted in the ever growing stash of cough drops in his medicine cabinet, his go-to excuse when he was confronted in the lube aisle.

Besides, the self-checkout line was made for two things: purchasing lube, and shoplifting produce. 

Jaskier hummed a tune to himself as he strode down the health and wellness aisle, grateful for its peaceful emptiness. He perused the day’s selection - silicone? Water-based? Flavored? He wrinkled his nose. _Definitely_ not. 

As his hand hovered over the bottle of Astroglide he heard someone clear their throat.

_Heaven almighty, now would be a great time to smite me for all of my wrongdoings. Is this punishment for the raspberries? That was only $3.49, which is a criminal price for a 4 oz. container anyways._

“Hello, Geralt.” he grit out between his teeth. He was completely frozen in place. 

There was nothing he could do - he was a picture of stillness, his graceful thirty-something year old body posed artfully, his hand a hair's breadth away from the bottle of lube. 

“Hello, Dandelion.”

_Ah._

There it is. 

The screen name Jaskier used on Twitter. The one he really should have checked to make sure didn’t appear on his transaction information for OnlyFans. Jaskier’s hands wrapped around the bottle slowly, and he dropped it in his basket, still not turning to make eye contact. 

“Well.” he said.

“Well.” Geralt agreed. 

“I see.”

“Yes.”

Jaskier sighed, turning on his heel to leverage his best angry glare at Geralt. It paled in comparison to Geralt’s resting face. “You know, you’re really not making this any easier.”

“Why would I do that?” Geralt seemed genuinely confused. He was either an amazing actor, or short of a marble. 

_Please, god let him just be a himbo,_ Jaskier thought. He couldn’t bear thinking he’d gotten into this mess for someone who faked their moans. 

Jaskier’s mouth opened and then closed. For about half a second, he was speechless. 

And then the floodgates opened. 

“You know, it was really hard to find.” Jaskier pointed an accusatory finger in Geralt’s face. “Who promotes their OnlyFans on Pinterest? If I hadn’t liked that photo collage I wouldn’t have even known you had an account. You don’t have nearly enough advertisement. I couldn’t even find you on Twitter. That’s where all of the accounts post promotional material. You could like, double your audience if you just posted screenshots. I’m sure people would go wild. Just letting yourself be found on the explore page isn’t a great business model. If you posted that picture with your hair to Twitter, I bet you’d get, like, 100 more subs in one night, easily. Do you use leave-in?”

Geralt’s face was completely blank. “What?” 

Jaskier mimed twirling a strand of hair. “Leave-in? Do you use it? I can recommend a keratin treatment if you don’t.”

Geralt blinked. “You watch my OnlyFans?”

“Do I watch your…” Jaskier’s jaw damn near hit the floor. “I can not believe we’re having this conversation.”

A slow smile began to creep in the corners of Geralt’s mouth. “You do.”

Jaskier closed his eyes and pinched his brow. “How did you…”

“Your covers. I’m subscribed to your Soundcloud.”

_Soundcloud._

The _other_ account he used the screen name “Dandelion”.

Oh.

Big fucking “oh.”

“Well.” Jaskier muttered.

“Well.”

“It seems I’ve made a huge embarrassment of myself. I’ve got to go, I’m sure you’re… busy.”  
He cringed at himself and turned on his heel, his bottle of lube bouncing against his boxes of fettuccine. 

“Wait!”

Geralt grabbed him by the wrist and _woah_. That was - something.

Jaskier looked up into his face. It was a very handsome face. Jaskier wasn’t sure why he had to keep reminding himself of this when he’d already paid a good sum of money to see that face covered in terrible, terrible things. Maybe he had to keep saying “handsome” because the only other adjective was “terrifying.” But it _was_ a handsome face, on a very handsome man, who’s pinky finger and thumb completely encircled the width of Jaskier’s wrist. Would you look at that. His investment was paying off, in way more ways than one.

“Yes?” Jaskier asked, praying he’d imagined the voice crack that came out. 

Geralt licked his lip then looked around the corner. It was probably just his imagination, but Jaskier could have sworn he looked earnest. “It’s just - what did you say about marketing?”

Jaskier’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he could process a single thought. “Make a Twitter. Buy better lighting. Can you let go of my arm, please?” it came out harsh, but that was just because his knees were going weak again, and he _really_ didn’t want to collapse in the lube aisle. 

Geralt nodded and let go. If he was offended, it didn’t show on his face. “Thanks,” he said, like Jaskier had just offered to water his plants for the weekend, and not that he’d given him advice on making more money off of his porn account.

Jaskier nodded, and floated away to the self-checkout lane on the tingle that remained on his inner wrist. 

_Good fucking lord, I’m_ fucked. 

For what it’s worth, he got three boxes of fettuccine for the price of one banana as a consolation prize. 

\--

Geralt tossed the two reusable totes into the bed of his truck. He patted the side of the dirty vehicle fondly, then hoisted himself up into the front seat. 

He checked his rearview mirror before pulling his phone out of his pocket. There were a number of notifications for OnlyFans, and one or two emails he would check in the morning. He pressed the icon for Safari and typed the essential question into the search bar: _what is twitter ?_

\--  
_  
Dandelionbard_1975:_

_Incoming messages_

_(1/7) you know i was thinking if you ever needed if you ever needed or wanted more help I could help you out_

_(2/7) i have a background in social media marketing_

_(3/7) well i took two classes in college in the communications department and its the same thing at the end of the day really_

_(4/7) great vid last night! If you posted the first five seconds to tumblr it probably wouldn’t get flagged, you could grow your audience that way_

_(5/7) by the way this is the hair mask i was talking about_

_Attached: hairproduct.png_

_(6/7) are you naturally curly or is that just for the videos? or when you get sweaty? it doesnt matter the product still works_

_(7/7) also which cover of mine did you listen to?  
Geralt_the_witcher_

_Outgoing message:_

_(1/1) What’s tumblr ?  
_

Jaskier threw his phone onto his bed and screamed into his pillow. Simping for a man over 40 should be illegal. This man and his terrible, delicious abdominal muscles were going to give him an aneurysm. He reached for his phone, then thought better of it and sat up to grab his lap top instead. If he had to give him a full blown crash course on the internet, he would. 

He started to make up an Amazon wish list - mood lighting in blues and pinks, various toys, a nicer camera, a quality microphone, tripod, and new couch cushions. 

He took a second to breathe when he got the message notification. He closed one eye and squinted at it over his shoulder. It was a notification for a new video. He had to take another second to slow his heartbeat. 

When Jaskier finally regained his composure, he took another hearty sip of Redbull and focused in on his laptop. 

This was definitely just out of compassion for a single dad looking to quit his day job. He was looking to strike a percentage-based deal to vamp-up Geralt's social media presence and grow his audience. The digital marketplace was thriving, and he needed to start making moves if he didn’t want to be a middle school teacher for the rest of his life. 

He knew in his heart of hearts that this was motivated, at least in part, by the divot in between Geralt’s pectoral muscles, and the _criminal_ size and shape of his Adonis belt, but he was willing to live with that if it meant he could get Geralt into the top 10% of creators in under a month.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew. I have at least two other parts of this in my brain, let me know if you'd like to see them in the comments or on my [Twitter](twitter.com/ghostlyfallows) (which also has a lot of NSFW geraskier art)  
> And my [Tumblr](https://ghostlyfallows.tumblr.com/post/616044109002686464/jaskier-in-rope-bondage-inspired-by-brawlite-s)


End file.
